


Gotta Start Somewhere

by justadreamfox



Series: Good Vibrations [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Boyfriends, Edging, Healing, Healing Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Vibrators, adult store employee neil, andrew is allowed to be innocent, this is soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:28:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justadreamfox/pseuds/justadreamfox
Summary: “Can I help you pick something?” Andrew turned, ready to sayno thank youand instead froze in place, the purple vibrator held chest height between him and the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen. The tag on his floral shirt readGood Vibrationsand just underneath that,Neil.Neil stood there all open and relaxed, a gentle curve of pink lips, unruly auburn hair hovering over sparkling blue eyes.Andrew’s mouth snapped shut. He put the box carefully back on the shelf and walked out of the store without a word.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Good Vibrations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105940
Comments: 48
Kudos: 533





	Gotta Start Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

  * For [djhedy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/djhedy/gifts), [moonix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonix/gifts).



> Thanks to [likearecord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likearecord/profile) for everything, but especially for the mashed potatoes. 
> 
> Hedgie and Moony - this is your fault, but I'm not mad about it. It went somewhere entirely unexpected. Oops.
> 
> Note to readers: I do not consider this porn. It is sex positive and it is healing, and maybe it gets a little steamy, but it's not PWP by any means. Yet, out of an abundance of caution I have rated it explicit because we do talk about dicks and orgasms and vibrators and lube. Fair warning my darlings.

Andrew shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the boxes lined up neatly on the shelf in front of him. He hadn’t realized there would be so many colors. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking for in the first place, and all the colors - and sizes and shapes and materials - weren’t helping. He picked up one of the simpler plastic packages, turned it around. Four AAA batteries, not included. It was purple, slender. Sleek even. 

“Can I help you pick something?” Andrew turned, ready to say _no thank you_ and instead froze in place, the purple vibrator held chest height between him and the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen. The tag on his floral shirt read _Good Vibrations_ and just underneath that, _Neil._

Neil stood there all open and relaxed, a gentle curve of pink lips, unruly auburn hair hovering over sparkling blue eyes. 

Andrew’s mouth snapped shut. He put the box carefully back on the shelf and walked out of the store without a word. 

***

It was a week before he came back, before he found himself in front of the same overwhelming shelf at _Good Vibrations,_ vibrators of all makes and models clamoring for his attention. No, he did not need a clit stimulator. Neither did he want a thrusting vibrator - whatever that was. The Magic Wand looked too clinical. 

“Hi again.” The smooth, calm voice came from behind him. Andrew straightened his shoulders, turned around. The little smile was missing today, but his eyes were still a whole ocean of blue, his skin smooth, his auburn waves tousled. Andrew noticed the nose ring this time, a tiny gold hoop. “Robin’s on break right now, but if you’d be more comfortable with a woman helping you she’ll be back in ten.”

“No,” Andrew said, startled into speaking. Neil raised an eyebrow, but it wasn’t unkind. Andrew let out a breath. “No,” he repeated, more firmly. 

“Okay.” The corner of Neil’s mouth ticked up. “So.” He nodded at the shelf of cheery vibrators. “What are you looking for?”

Andrew knew what he was looking for. He was looking for a way to feel something without someone’s hands on him, he was looking to reclaim something that was stolen, he was hoping to be able to one day reach out and touch a boy like Neil. He didn’t know if _Good Vibrations_ was the place to find these things, but it was a place to start. He didn’t say any of this to Neil, because of course he didn’t. “I don’t know,” he said. 

“That’s okay,” Neil said. His smile had warmed. “It would help if I knew what you wanted the vibrator to do - is it for you? Or someone else?”

Andrew stared at him for barely a moment before his lungs shriveled up in his chest, and he turned on his heel, and walked out of the store. 

***

“Wait.” 

Andrew stopped, his hand on the door, squeezing his eyes closed. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking, coming back a third time. They sold these kinds of things online didn’t they? But he didn’t want a package to come to the house, didn’t want Aaron or - even worse - Nicky to see it. Third time might have been a charm, might have been Neil’s day off, but no such luck - Andrew hadn’t even made it as far as the vibrator aisle this time before he’d seen the auburn hair, the soft lavender shirt, before those blue eyes caught his, before Andrew was turning around to go. Fucking Palmetto with only one adult store. He’d make up an excuse to drive to Columbia, there had to be more options he just -

“Wait,” Neil said again as he reached Andrew’s side. “Can I buy you some mashed potatoes?”

“What?” Andrew turned to him, unable to compute the question. 

“Or macaroni and cheese. The mashed potatoes are better though, I think.”

“What are you talking about,” Andrew said, feeling like he was in a slow motion train wreck.

“There’s a Boston Market next door.” 

Andrew blinked at him. “Okay,” he said. 

“Robin I’m taking my break!” Neil yelled, before gracing Andrew with a wide smile and pushing the door open. “What’s your name?”

“Andrew.”

***

Andrew got the mac and cheese because even bad mac and cheese is good. Neil poked at his mashed potatoes without taking a bite and Andrew ate his little cheesy shells one at a time in silence, feeling awkward, his cheeks hot.

“I thought this might be easier,” Neil said, gesturing around the plasticy restaurant with his spork. 

“For what?” Andrew asked. 

“To talk about sex.”

Andrew choked on a noodle.

Neil laughed. “Shit, sorry. I just - I want to help.”

“Why?” Andrew asked, when he had his coughing under control.

“Maybe I see some of me in you.”

“You don’t know me,” Andrew bit out. 

Neil shrugged a little. “No,” he agreed. “But I can help you if you tell me what you want.”

 _You._ Andrew thought a little wildly, before shoving that away. He methodically scooped up one shell, put it in his mouth, chewed, swallowed. Neil waited patiently. Andrew hated him. 

“For me,” Andrew said, after what should have been too long of a pause. Neil was unfazed though. He cocked his head to the side, considering Andrew’s words, and as Andrew wouldn’t allow himself to look away he saw the exact moment Neil connected his answer to the question from a week ago.

“Okay,” Neil nodded thoughtfully, and he took his first bite of mashed potatoes. They had to be cold by now. When he licked the spoon Andrew saw Neil’s tongue piercing and it was all he could do not to fall on the floor. 

Neil started and stopped a couple of times, questions dancing in his eyes, and then he just propped his chin on his palm, the thin little gold rings on his fingers catching the light. “Hmmm,” Neil hummed, pointing the spork in Andrew’s direction. “Proposition. Let me just pick something for you.”

Andrew was out of shells, his little mac and cheese cup empty, nothing to distract him from Neil’s clear gaze. “Okay,” he said, because he was an idiot and Neil was very pretty. 

***

“It is a little pricey, but worth it.”

Andrew took the box out of Neil’s hand. This one was smooth black cardboard. There was no picture of a naked woman on the outside, no cheap, glaring plastic box - just the sleek outline of an amorphous shape hinting at what the vibrator inside looked like. 

It was also almost a hundred dollars. 

“The price is fine,” Andrew said.

Neil led him over to the counter, and then hesitated. “So, don’t run away, but I have to open the box and show you that it works. It’s policy since you can’t return it.”

Andrew took a breath, focused on a spot just over Neil’s head. Apparently the slow motion train wreck was still in motion. “I won’t run away.”

Neil nodded once, then deftly opened the box, removed a few layers of packaging, and pulled out the black vibrator. It was sleek and matte and looked more like a small modern art sculpture than anything else. 

“This one is rechargeable, with this cord.” Neil held up the small USB cord matter of factly, and then he tucked it back into the box and pushed an invisible indention on the side of the vibrator, holding it up between them. It was quiet - which was good - and it was _definitely_ vibrating. 

Andrew couldn’t halt his small indrawn breath, the warmth he felt at the tips of his ears, and it took him a moment to realize Neil was waiting for him. Andrew nodded and the side of Neil’s mouth ticked up. He turned the vibrator off, packed it away quickly and competently, then tucked it into an opaque little bag. Andrew swiped his card, his body torn between leaning closer to Neil and running out the door with his prize and not another word spared between them. 

“I put some lube samples in the bag for you, and here-” Neil paused, pulling out a _Good Vibrations_ postcard from under the register. He wrote a phone number, and just under that _Neil._ “I’m an open book, if you need help.” 

There was no way Andrew could respond to that without squeaking, so he nodded once, clutched his bag, and forced himself to walk like a regular human being out of the store. 

***

Nicky was at work. Aaron was in class. Andrew had the house to himself for at least the next two hours. He still deadbolted the front door, locked his bedroom door, and struggled to get his heartbeat under control. He’d charged the vibrator and tucked it under his pillow, but he didn’t really have a _plan._

He wasn’t an idiot - he was aware that vibrators were not generally the sex toy of choice for a gay man trying to figure out his body, but for Andrew the idea had been the least terrifying. He’d researched online, skimmed past butt plugs and dildos - not sure he would ever be ready for _that._ The penis sleeves had looked too alien, and he certainly wasn’t going to fuck into a Fleshlight. 

It had been accidental really, when he’d stumbled across the article on vibrator play for men, and then he’d hunted down another article and then another. The idea of a sleek vibrator had appealed to him, had felt safe but sexy. So far removed from anything associated with the trauma that had been out of his control. 

But that didn’t mean he had a plan for now, when he had the house to himself, a charged vibrator, and the little packets of lube Neil had given him in his bedside table drawer. 

Andrew sat on the edge of his bed, ran his palms down his thighs, picked up his phone and stared at it. He opened the bedside table and there, just under the little single use packets of lube, was the card with Neil’s number on it. Andrew picked it up, stared at it for a while too before typing the number into his phone. He saved it as _Blue Eyes._ Stared at it some more, before finally opening up a new text and typing - **_you said if i need help._ **

Andrew hovered over the send button, thought about that tongue ring, the half smile, the mashed potatoes. He pressed _send_ and flopped back on the bed. 

The ceiling fan was spinning, a comforting whir. He tried to eye one blade of the fan and follow it around, had almost succeeded when his phone buzzed in his hand. 

_andrew! I wasn’t sure I would hear from you_

**_neil. what did you mean, help?_ **

_that I could help - talk you through how to use your vibrator, things you can do with it_

**_is this something you offer all of your customers?_ **

Andrew watched the little dots appear and disappear, appear again, and then disappear for longer, then finally:

_no  
_

Oh. Andrew took in a deep breath and held it, looking at that _no_ until his phone went dark. When the air was screaming to escape his lungs he let out an audible sigh, and tapped his screen again.

**_I don’t know how to start_  
**

_okay! I can help with that. um, it will help if I know what we are working with - do you have a penis?_

Andrew almost threw his phone across the room. What the fuck? Why - oh. _Oh._ Neil was asking if he was like René, which was. Fair. _Not all men have dicks,_ he could hear his best friend say. 

Okay. He could do this.

**_yes_  
**

_okay cool!_

Did Neil really just say _okay cool_ about Andrew having a dick? The three little dots were back, Neil was typing...and typing…and typing. Andrew was starting to worry that he’d done that thing where he typed something but forgot to send it, when a fucking novel length text appeared:

_what I like to do is get somewhere quiet and comfortable. I use a little lube and my hand to get hard first - it’s easier to start with your hand, and lube is always a good idea. once you are hard then you can play around with your vibrator - it has eight speeds and also eight tempos. Start on the lowest one, and see how it feels on the base of your dick, the underside, around the head. everyone is different, but one of my favorite things is to drag the vibe along my dick in one long slow sweep on the underside, holding it still right on the head, and then repeat that motion  
_

Andrew blinked. Neil was trying to kill him. That was the only explanation. Andrew didn’t know what he had been expecting, but it wasn’t _this_ , and now he had a full visual of the pretty redhead, reclined and naked, gold rings on long fingers flashing as he stroked his cock, eyes bluer than blue and heavy lidded. 

Andrew was half hard already. Fuck. He palmed himself, and his phone buzzed again.

_andrew? did that help?_

**_no. now i am just thinking about you_ ** _  
_

Andrew pressed send and then winced, but the three dots almost immediately started their dance again. There and then gone and then there and then gone and then:

_i don’t mind  
_

Oh. Fuck. 

Okay then.

Andrew pushed his phone aside before he could type something else stupid to Neil, and busied himself setting up. He tossed one of the lube packets on the bed, freed the vibrator from under his pillow, and scooted up against the headboard. 

Getting naked felt like jumping into the deep end without dipping a toe in first. Instead Andrew just slid his shorts and boxers down over his hips to mid thigh, his dick springing free and more than half hard now thinking about Neil - thinking about _permission_ to think about Neil. 

He’d never used lube before - his standard jerking off procedure usually taking place in the shower, one hand braced on the tile, biting his lip to keep quiet, his main goal to come as quickly as possible and get on with his day. 

This was very different from that, and his heart had taken up that elevated rhythm again in agreement. 

He squeezed a bit of the slippery lube into his hand from the single-use packet. It was cold and crystal clear, pooling in the center of his palm before trying to drip off the side. Andrew wrapped his hand around himself before it dripped on the bed. His breath punched short at the chill of it, but his hand and his skin warmed the lube quickly. 

Andrew closed his eyes and stroked himself, and jesus fucking christ lube was _amazing_ \- why had he never had lube before? Why didn’t anyone tell him? Which was a stupid thought, followed directly by _Neil._ Andrew choked on his own breath as he pictured Neil, imagined him holding a sleek vibrator to his dick, and yeah, yup, he was hard now. 

He flopped his hand around until it landed on the vibrator, unwilling to open his eyes and lose the picture of Neil imprinted on the back of his eyelids. It took a couple of tries to locate the on button blindly, and then the little black thing was vibrating in his hand. 

Andrew pressed it to the underside of his dick and about jumped off the bed. Holy fuck that was...he let out a long slow breath, and tried again. Fuck, it was intense, but weird and...he slid down the bed more, squeezed his eyes tighter, slid the vibrator slowly up the underside of his dick, then around to the front, his brain completely shut off to everything but the sensation pooling in his belly. He did it again, sliding up the underside and then again, holding it for a minute on the head until the feeling was overwhelming. He slid the vibrator down the front too, then back around and touched it to his balls which was - nope, dick was better. 

He dropped the vibrator, switched to stroking himself slowly while he caught up to his breath, the vibrator buzzing along on the bed beside him. After a minute he picked it up again, kicked his shorts off all the way, turned the speed up a notch, and did exactly what Neil had told him to do - sliding the vibrator slowly up, holding, then sliding up, holding. Everything was building, growing, a basin filling with water until dizzily, inevitably, it overflowed. 

His orgasm washed over him, down his thighs, through his belly, and he was encased and floating with it, his whole body lifting up and dropping down again as he came. 

Andrew couldn’t move for moments except to click the vibrator off, and then he curled up on his side heedless of the mess, stretched his toes, buried his face into his pillow, and promptly fell asleep.

Andrew woke to buzzing, and he idly thought he left the vibrator on until he realized it was his phone. He squinted at it. He had four missed texts from Neil. 

_andrew?_

_did you try it?_

_i am sorry if i said anything wrong_

_i didn’t mean to overstep_

**_fell asleep. yes. it was. different_ **

_oh hi, good. okay. yeah. different bad?_

**_not bad. different._ **

_yeah, a vibe orgasm is in its own category. Did you like it?_

**_yes_ **

_:)_

***

  
_do you want to get boba with me?_

Andrew read and reread the text from Neil. There were five minutes left in his Victorian Lit class, and the professor was droning on about _Tess of the d'Urbervilles,_ which Andrew had already read twice. He shoved his books off the desk into his bag, and walked out of the seminar hall. 

He googled _boba_ first, frowned a bit at it the little black balls in what looked like tea, then texted back. 

**_yes. where?_   
**

The location was walkable from campus, and Andrew had already tucked himself into the corner of the tiny cafe before Neil walked in, looking edible in a pink Hawaiian shirt and oversized cardigan, a leather book bag slung over his shoulder. 

“You go to Palmetto,” Andrew said by way of greeting. 

“Yes. You too, it seems, ” Neil agreed with that sideways smile, dropping his bag on the floor next to Andrew. “What flavor do you want?”

Andrew shrugged. “I have never had it.”

“Hmm. Let me pick for you then?”

It was a little too close to the last time Neil had picked something for him. Andrew felt his ears warm as he nodded, as he wondered what else he was going to let Neil pick for him - his major? His clothes? _Him?_

Right now Andrew wouldn’t say no, and that was terrifying. 

Neil came back with two clear plastic cups in hand - one green and one orange. He slid the orange over. “Passion fruit,” Neil explained, as he settled into the chair across from Andrew. 

Andrew eyed his boba tea. It was a milky sort of orange, and all the little black balls were piled up at the bottom. He took a cautious sip. It was good - sweet and fruity. 

“If you suck a bit harder you’ll get one of the balls too,” Neil suggested. 

Andrew coughed, and then glared at Neil.

Neil huffed a laugh. “Look, like this.” He wrapped his lips around the wide blue straw in his drink, hollowed his cheeks, and took a long pull, catching Andrew’s gaze just as he released the straw with a wet pop, crooked grin in place as he chewed. 

Andrew’s face was on fire, but he wasn’t a coward. He sucked on his own straw hard, holding Neil’s gaze. Neil didn’t blush, but he held the eye contact, and the look in his eyes turned velvet and lush and distracting. 

Suddenly the suction deposited three squishy little balls onto Andrew’s tongue, and he pulled off in stupid surprise - even though he knew this was the actual goal of all that sucking. He chewed thoughtfully and then made a face. “They aren’t sweet,” he said, disappointed. 

Neil did laugh then. “No, it’s just tapioca. Do you want to try mine? It’s matcha.” 

Andrew didn’t know what matcha was either, but since he was still resolutely _not_ being a coward, Andrew leaned forward and Neil tilted his cup towards him. Andrew was quite aware that he was putting his lips exactly where Neil’s had been just seconds ago. He sucked, swallowed, then grimaced. The matcha was decidedly not sweet at all. “Gross,” he said.

Neil shrugged, popping his straw right back into his mouth after Andrew released it. 

It wasn’t _not_ hot. 

They finished their drinks and didn’t talk about vibrators or lube or lips on straws. Andrew methodically drank every drop of his tea without taking in one more boba, and they talked about what they were studying and Neil’s favorite sushi and the last book Andrew had read and the TV show Neil was binging and that they were both cat people but that dogs were nice to pet. When Andrew’s tea was gone, Neil snagged his cup and fished out his abandoned boba one by one. 

It wasn’t until an hour later and they were walking out of the cafe, shoulders brushing, that Andrew realized he’d just been on a date. 

They paused outside the cafe and the late afternoon sun highlighted coppery threads in Neil’s hair.

“Are you done with classes for the day?”

Andrew nodded. 

Neil stepped a little closer. “I have more ideas for you. If you want them.” Neil’s voice was low, calm, soothing. Andrew forced the flutter in his belly to behave. 

“Okay,” Andrew said. “But tell me why first.” Something complicated passed over Neil’s face, but he didn’t step back. Andrew waited. 

“Can I show you something?” Neil finally asked when his face had settled again. Andrew cocked his head, and Neil took it for the yes that it was, leading Andrew around the corner to the small alley next to the cafe. There was a glorious mural painted on the brick, a riot of color that Neil leaned against casually. Andrew leaned on the wall next to him. 

“Question for a question?” Neil asked. 

“Answer for an answer,” Andrew agreed.

Neil hummed, then turned towards Andrew, his shoulder propped on the wall, and held out his hand. “Can I?”

Andrew looked at Neil’s hand, then back at his face. His gaze was earnest, the tiniest curl of his lip just on this edge of his crooked smile. Andrew gave him his hand. 

Neil pulled him forward gently, slid Andrew’s hand under his loose pink shirt carefully, pressed Andrew’s palm against his chest and left it there. “You can move your hand,” Neil said quietly. 

Andrew slid his fingers a few inches down Neil’s skin and paused. He couldn’t see, but he could feel. He knew what scars felt like. Andrew stepped a little closer, drifted his hand along Neil’s sternum, his ribs, down to defined abs. The scars were everywhere. 

“You didn’t do this to yourself,” Andrew said. It wasn’t a question. “Is it over?” 

“Very over.” Neil said, standing patiently, watching Andrew. 

Andrew pulled away, which was the opposite of what he wanted to do. He was a bit stunned - this was the first time he’d touched anyone that intimately of his own volition, and instead of wanting to vomit, he had wanted to step closer, to bring his other hand under Neil’s shirt, to feel all of his skin beneath his hands. 

“It might sound a bit stupid,” Neil said, looking uncertain for the first time since Andrew met him. “But learning how to make myself feel good is how I took back control of my body.” 

Andrew shook his head. “It does not sound stupid.” 

Neil searched his face. “I was drawn to the vibrators first too,” he admitted after another moment. “They were the least invasive. I thought maybe it was the same for you. They aren’t normally the first toy men pick up.” 

There was a question woven into that statement, but Andrew’s tongue was locked up in his mouth. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, felt Neil do the same next to him. They were standing close now, the backs of their hands brushing together. _Answer for an Answer._ Andrew exhaled. “It is the same for me,” he said. “I do not want invasive.” 

That was all Andrew could say. It was a lot, for him. Neil was quiet beside him, and Andrew started to worry that it hadn’t been enough after all, but then Neil’s hand bumped more purposefully into his, his fingers tangling with Andrew’s, and Andrew could feel his gold rings cool against his own skin. 

They stayed like that for uncountable minutes, just breathing, holding the wall up with their shoulder blades, their fingers braided together, warm and solid.

***

_are you up?_

**_yes_ **

_i have an idea_

**_i am not surprised_ **

_:)_

**_tell me_ **

_a new thing for you to try. and i will try it with you_

**_is this like phone sex_ **

_it is if you want me to call you_

**_no_ **

_okay then. texting sex. kind of. you will need both your hands_

**_yes_ **

_yes?_

**_yes_ **

_okay! get your vibrator and some lube and let me know when you are ready_

**_ready_ **

_good. so, this next part we can do at the same time without texting and just. meet me back here when you are done, okay? we’ll start like last time. get comfortable, prop up a little bit if you can. get hard first, use some lube and your hand. take your time though. when you are hard, turn your vibrator on, put a little lube on it, and press it to your prostate, just behind your balls. move it around until you find the right spot and try different pressures. then keep it there while you stroke yourself with your other hand, steadily, until you orgasm. if it helps, think about me doing the same thing_

**_fuck, neil_ **

_too much?_

**_no, just. fuck_ **

_oh. yes. good then. andrew? is it okay if i think about you too?_

**_jesus fuck. yes_ **

_:)_

_okay_

_ready, go_

***

“Hey,” Neil’s smile was radiant as he slid into the passenger seat of Andrew’s car, handing him a small _Good Vibrations_ bag in the process. “Nice car.” 

“Best thing to come out of my mother’s life insurance policy,” Andrew muttered. He opened the bag and blushed. It was a full sized bottle of lube. Neil had even tied a bow around it with gold ribbon. 

“I figured you had to be out of the samples by now. Everything really is better with lube,” Neil said. Andrew’s ears felt hot. “Can I?” Neil hummed the question, and Andrew looked up to find Neil looking at him intently, his hand hovering in the air between them.  
  
“Yes,” Andrew breathed his answer, and Neil telegraphed his movements until his fingers brushed Andrew’s cheek, slid behind his ear, tucked a strand of hair. It was over in a moment, and Andrew was already missing the warmth of that touch. 

“You are beautiful you know,” Neil said. 

“Shut up,” Andrew said, and Neil smiled at him. 

Andrew drove them for miles before stopping at a lakeside park. He hadn’t made a plan; he had just asked if he could pick Neil up from work and Neil had said yes. Andrew hadn’t gotten any farther than that because he still didn’t quite believe any of this was actually happening. 

It was twilight and the park was abandoned. Frogs croaked and crickets chirped, and Neil and Andrew wandered the paved path around the lake in comfortable silence. Halfway around Andrew bumped Neil’s hand, and Neil took hold of his casually. It was nice. Back in the car Andrew put on The Strokes, and Neil hummed and bounced in his seat, and Andrew wanted to reach out and grab his hand again but he didn’t.

The house Neil directed him to was on the nicest side of town. “I thought you lived in the dorms.” 

“Why?” Neil asked curiously. 

Andrew shrugged. “You work a lot. I figured you needed the money.” 

“I just like my job, that’s all. This is my uncle Stuart’s house, I live with him - but he is almost always in Baltimore or New York for business. Do you want to come in?” 

Andrew tapped the steering wheel and peered up at the mansion in front of him. “Not tonight.” 

“Okay,” Neil smiled, turned sideways in his seat. “You want to do something else with me when you get home?” 

Andrew’s pulse kicked up. He was quite sure that Neil had a diabolical plan to slowly murder him with the things that came out of his mouth. “What did you have in mind?” 

“We could get off while on the phone with each other.” 

“Fuck,” Andrew breathed. 

“Hey,” Neil said. “It’s just an idea. You can say no. I want to, though, with you.” 

“Fuck, Neil.” 

“That’s what you say when I break you,” Neil smirked, but it was a soft look on him. 

“You did not break me.” 

“Okay.” Neil started to climb out of the car, and then paused, ducking his head back in. “Hey, Andrew? I really like you.” 

“Fuck,” Andrew muttered. 

Neil chuckled. “Just. Think about it, and call me when you are home if you want.”

Andrew was not going to call Neil when he got home. Not because he didn’t want to - he really wanted to - but because Aaron and Nicky would be home and he was absolutely not having phone sex with Neil with his cousin and twin within a thousand feet of his bedroom. But when he pulled into the driveway, Nicky’s little Honda was gone and there was a note that they had gone to the movies (and a postscript clearly from Aaron: _we called you, asshole)._ Andrew checked his phone. One missed call, three texts from Nicky, and one from Aaron. 

Suddenly and unexpectedly Andrew had the house to himself for at least a couple hours. He locked himself in his room, laid back on his bed, and called Neil. 

“Hey,” Neil said quietly when he picked up the phone. 

“Hey,” Andrew said. 

“Hold on a minute, let me get upstairs.” There was some shuffling and then, “I didn’t think you were going to call.”

“I was not going to.”

“I’m glad you did,” Neil said, and Andrew could hear the smile in his voice. “Okay. I’m here. How do you want to do this?”

Oh. Andrew was used to Neil just telling him what to do. He looked at the ceiling for an answer and then rolled his eyes at himself. He’d tossed the new bottle of lube on the bed, and his vibrator was in the drawer. “Hold on.” Andrew set the phone down and stripped out of his jeans, and pulled off his hoodie, so he was just in boxers, a t-shirt, and his armbands. He hesitated, and then took his t-shirt off too before turning off the overhead light and crawling back onto his bed. “Okay,” he said into the phone. “Can we do this without the vibrators this time?”

“Yes. Can I ask you what you are wearing?” 

“Boxers and my armbands.” 

“Okay hold on.” There was some shuffling on the other end and then, “Me too. Well, I’m in my boxers now. I don’t have armbands.” 

Andrew snorted, and Neil chuckled and they were both quiet for a minute. 

“Is it still a yes, Andrew?” 

“Yes,” Andrew said. “You?” 

“Yes.” 

Andrew squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath. His dick was interested just from the beginnings of this conversation. Because it was Neil. Because Andrew was safe in his room, behind a locked door, but he still had Neil here with him. 

“Andrew? We don’t have to talk. We can just. Be here, on the phone, and jack off together.” 

Fuck, that was perfect. “Yes, I want to do that.” 

“Okay.” Neil’s voice was soft. Andrew could hear a cap snapping open, and then another small shuffle as Neil got more comfortable. “Okay I am starting, I’ve got my hand on my dick. Are you ready?” 

Andrew was momentarily frozen on that visual before he scrambled for the lube and tucked the waistband of his boxers underneath his balls. “Yes I am ready,” Andrew hummed into the phone, letting his eyes fall closed again as he stroked himself slowly, as he listened to Neil’s breath speed up. He was safe, and it felt good, and Neil was here with him, and this was so much better than texting. 

“Neil.” 

“Andrew,” Neil said, his voice breathy and it went straight to Andrew’s dick. 

Andrew couldn’t stop his small gasp as he squeezed himself and paused for a moment, and Neil huffed in response. 

“Warn me before you come. Don’t come without me,” Andrew whispered. 

“Yes,” Neil agreed. They fell quiet again, breathing to each other, and Andrew felt warm and hard and slick under his own hand, a delicious tightening in his balls and the base of his spine and he forced himself to keep his strokes steady and smooth and in time with the little soft pants Neil was sending through the phone. 

Andrew thought a bit wildly that this was the hottest goddamned thing that had ever happened to anyone ever and then Neil was saying, “Mm’andrew, are you ready, I’m ready, _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.”_

“Fuck. Yes, okay, yes, now Neil, now.” Andrew stroked faster until he tumbled over the edge, fisting himself through his orgasm, his cum spilling over his fingers, his back arching off the bed, his breath heavy and fast, his heartbeat insistent in his ears. 

He realized he’d dropped the phone on the pillow and tucked it back to his ear with his clean hand. “Hey,” Andrew murmured into the phone, because he didn’t think he could talk any louder. 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Neil hummed back at him, and fuck, there was nothing in the world that Andrew wanted more in that moment than to kiss Neil. 

“Okay. I will be there in ten minutes,” he said, and then he hung up. 

It was twelve minutes, actually, before Andrew pulled in front of Neil’s house because Andrew had to wash the cum and the lube off his hand and put his clothes back on, and even with the disregard he showed the speed limit and a couple of red lights, he still got stuck behind the slowest SUV on earth when he pulled into Neil’s neighborhood. 

Neil was standing in the driveway, wrapped in an oversized fuzzy camel sweater and wearing red UGGS that reached halfway to his knees. His hair was mussed, his cheeks were flushed and he looked otherworldly. 

Andrew had barely stepped out of the car before Neil was in front of him.

“Can I?” Neil said at the same time that Andrew said, “Yes.”

Andrew thought that they might crash into each other, but instead it was slow, careful, caring. Neil waited for him, his lips parted, that tongue ring flashing briefly. Andrew took both of Neil’s hands and brought them to his shoulders, and then he slid his palms along Neil’s cheeks, tucked fingers into his auburn waves, and pulled him into a kiss. 

It was Andrew’s first kiss. He was anxious and tentative, and he knew he was doing it all wrong, but Neil didn’t seem to notice or care, because he was kissing him back, sweeping the tip of his tongue against Andrew’s lips. Andrew pulled him closer, opened his mouth for him, and their tongues were sliding together and it was tantalizing and beautiful and Andrew never wanted to stop - but he had to, because he hadn’t quite figured out this breathing thing yet. 

He pulled away, gasping a little, chest heaving, and when his world stopped spinning quite so fast he kissed Neil again, lips greedy and desperate now, seeking and finding until they were both panting with it. 

After, they stood there in the dark, hands on each other’s shoulders, cheeks pressed together, and eventually Andrew turned into Neil and whispered, “I really like you too.” 

Neil tucked his face into Andrew’s neck, kissed him softly behind his ear. Andrew shivered, Neil huffed a small laugh, and after one more achingly wanting kiss, Neil went back inside. 

***

Andrew dropped his overnight bag on the floor when Neil let him in and immediately kissed him - because that is what he got to do after four months of dating: kiss his _boyfriend_ hello. 

Neil laughed against his lips a little when Andrew finally pulled back. “Hello,” he said, his voice low and warm. 

“Hi,” Andrew murmured back, nipping at Neil’s lower lip, which made Neil groan. It hadn’t taken long for Andrew to get the hang of kissing Neil and he reveled in lips and tongue and teeth and how _good_ it felt. 

Andrew was here for the weekend, Neil’s uncle was out of town, and this was the first time they were going to spend the night together - a prospect that was somehow exciting instead of terrifying. 

A prospect that made him want to kiss Neil again, so he did. Andrew backed Neil up against the front door and pulled Neil’s hands to his hips - which made Neil stop kissing him and raise an eyebrow. 

“Yes?” 

“Yes,” Andrew agreed. 

Neil searched his face for a moment and Andrew watched him. This close he could see the pale brown freckles on Neil’s cheekbones, the faint stubble on his jaw. Andrew knew this look on Neil’s face by now. It meant he was considering some new proposal, a new way for them to play, to gently push boundaries in the most delicious way, and as Andrew waited for Neil to reach whatever conclusion he would reach, as he stood there with the taste of Neil on his lips and Neil’s clever hands resting on his waist, Andrew was struck dumb with the trust that he had for Neil - that Neil would never drop him or rush him or push him - and quite suddenly he wanted to give something to Neil, anything, to show that trust. 

“What are you thinking?” Andrew asked.

“Well. It is something I have been thinking about for awhile actually. It’s my favorite thing to do, when it’s just me.” 

“Tell me,” Andrew said, sliding his hand down Neil’s arms to circle his wrists lightly, pressing Neil’s hands firmer into his sides. 

“Can I show you instead?” 

“Yes,” Andrew said, and Neil’s smile was blinding. He tilted his head and pushed off the door, locking it behind him before beckoning Andrew up the stairs. 

Andrew had been in Neil’s bedroom before, but this felt different, charged. Neil led him over to the king-sized bed, and Andrew let himself be led, let Neil kiss him gently before he pulled away, took a deep breath. 

“I want to edge myself for you, with a vibrator, and I want you to watch me. You don’t have to participate at all - you can hold my hand or kiss me or touch me if you want, but only if you want. I have been thinking this might be a good first step to us being in the same room, and I would like it. What do you think?” 

Andrew blinked at him. “What is edging?” 

“Mmm, so, it just means I stop everything before I orgasm, calm down for a bit, and then work myself up all over again. I like it, with the vibrator. It’s really intense, and usually when I finally orgasm it is a whole other level.” 

Andrew stared at Neil. He was used to the matter of fact way that Neil talked about sex and vibrators and orgasms - in fact that was part of why this thing between them worked so well - but he was short circuiting over the idea of being in the room with Neil, watching him orgasm. It was...it was… _fuck,_ it was incredibly hot to imagine. And Neil was giving him an out, a safety net, nothing expected of him except to be here and watch his boyfriend orgasm for him. 

“Fuck, Neil,” Andrew said, because yeah, Neil had maybe broken him this time. 

“Yeah?” Neil said softly. 

“Yes,” Andrew said. “Yes, I want to try.” The blinding smile was back on Neil’s face and Andrew felt a bit breathless. 

“Are you comfortable on the bed with me?” 

Andrew nodded. “I think so.” 

“Okay, good. Hey listen, if anything changes just - stop me, okay? Or you can get up and leave.” 

Andrew nodded, but he felt good, safe, buzzing with anticipation of this new thing, of _Neil._ “I feel good, I-” Andrew hesitated, because he had never said to anyone what he was about to say, but it was true, and he could give it to Neil. “I trust you,” he said firmly. 

The look on Neil’s face when he said that was _everything;_ he was glowing at Andrew and goddamnit he was pretty. “I trust you too,” he said softly, and they kissed then, because of course they did. 

“Where do you want me?” Andrew asked when they let each other go. 

Neil directed him to the far side of the bed, and Andrew kicked off his shoes and pulled off his hoodie. He climbed onto the bed in jeans and t-shirt and armbands, and then Neil was getting undressed. He kicked off his own shoes, then unbuttoned his shirt and let it slip off his shoulders, his blue eyes seeking out Andrew’s for a moment. 

Neil’s torso was a battleground. Andrew had felt these scars under his fingertips, but he had never _seen_ them. He felt a flash of anger, but he stuffed it down, bottled it and swallowed it. Their trauma was their trauma, and it was past, and Neil had fought to move on and reclaim himself, and now he was helping Andrew to fight and it was breathtaking. 

“You are fucking beautiful,” Andrew said, and Neil grinned and undid his belt. 

Neil didn’t hesitate after that, not once. He toed off his socks, shucked off his skinny jeans, his briefs, and suddenly Andrew didn’t know where to look, because Neil was looking at him and he was _naked_ and Andrew wanted to see _everything._

“You can look, I want you to look,” Neil said. 

Andrew did, his gaze tripping down Neil’s body, in a hurry to drink in every inch of him - the flat plane of his stomach, the jut of his hip bones, the trail from his belly button that was a darker auburn than the hair on his head, his cock hanging against his thigh, circumcised and smooth and plumping under Andrew’s gaze. 

Neil turned for a minute, opening a dresser, and Andrew took one look at Neil’s ass before falling back on the pillow, closing his eyes and groaning. 

“Andrew?” 

“You just have a really great ass,” he muttered, and cracked one eye open when Neil laughed. He had lube and a vibrator that looked just like Andrew’s in hand. 

“Side effect of all the running I think,” Neil said, stretching out next to Andrew in the bed. “Still okay?” 

“Yes,” Andrew said, and he opened both eyes and turned on his side to face Neil, who was very close now but carefully not touching him. 

Neil poured some lube in his hand and started stroking his cock slowly, his eyes on Andrew, his free hand grazing over his nipple, and Andrew belatedly realized that this was the very thing that was actually going to do him in, that this was the culmination of Neil’s dastardly plan to murder him. 

Neil’s gaze turned liquid, his lips parted as he took in a small breath and tilted his head back, and Andrew thought that maybe he was supposed to be watching Neil’s hand, the smoothness of his strokes, his dick hard now and clamoring for attention, but Andrew couldn’t tear his eyes away from Neil’s face. 

Neil reached for the vibrator and clicked it on. When Neil pressed it to the base of his cock, he arched a little against the bed and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and Andrew couldn’t stop his own indrawn breath. 

Andrew was rapt, watching the color bloom across Neil’s throat and cheekbones, his pupils blown, his lids half mast. Neil gasped a little then as he pulled the vibrator away suddenly, and Andrew felt with some desperation the need to be touching him. He dropped his hand onto the bed closer to Neil and Neil’s smile was gorgeous when he took Andrew’s hand. 

They were quiet, fingers curled together and warm, a minute passing maybe more before Neil clicked a button, kicking the vibrations up a notch, and started again - pulling slow strokes with it along the underside of his dick, holding it against the head, his blue eyes a galaxy of their own and Andrew was ensnared in them. 

When Neil pulled the vibrator off again, he threw his head back, let out a tiny whine, and the sound rocked through Andrew. “Can I kiss you?” Andrew asked, because he couldn’t help it, he needed to, and Neil nodded quickly and immediately and Andrew surged forward to capture Neil’s mouth, their hands still braided together underneath Andrew’s hip. The kiss was urgent and hungry, and they both gasped for air after, noses mashed together, Andrew’s chest pressed to Neil’s shoulder. 

Quietly, carefully, Neil said, “You can touch yourself, if you want to. I can usually do more, but I think - I only have one more go of this left.” 

Neil’s little breaths landed like fireworks against Andrew’s lips. He was hard and wanting and every nerve in his body was begging for more, not less, and so he nodded against Neil’s cheek, swept up in it. “Yes,” Andrew breathed, and Neil kissed him again. 

Andrew heard the sound of the lube cap snapping open so he pulled back a little, freed himself quickly and shoved his jeans down. Neil poured the lube into his palm, and Andrew gasped into Neil’s neck as he wrapped fingers around his aching cock. Neil’s answering gasp followed closely behind as he kicked the vibrator up another notch and pressed it to his dick. Their breath sped up and their fingers clenched together and they kissed messily, Neil’s tongue ring sliding against Andrew’s lips. It wasn’t long before Neil tensed, and when he dropped the vibrator aside Andrew looked down, his cheek pressed to Neil’s shoulder as he watched Neil come messily onto his belly. 

“Andrew,” Neil whispered through chattering teeth, the words a gentle demand, and Andrew sped up his own strokes, following quickly with a quiet gasp, pressing his lips against Neil’s skin as he did. 

It was a revelation for both of them, and they were still and quiet after - Andrew almost fully clothed, and Neil naked beside him, both of them floating in the feeling of themselves and each other. 

Andrew never wanted to move again. 

“Thank you,” Neil said quietly. “That was amazing.”

Andrew huffed. 

Neil kissed his forehead. 

Andrew pulled back and glared at him. 

Neil laughed. 

“Showers?” Neil asked. “Then pizza and um, Planet Earth?”

“Yes. That,” Andrew agreed, because it was a perfect idea. Because Neil was perfect. Because just in that moment everything was okay and good and safe. “But no pineapple on the pizza.”

Neil grinned. “Pineapple on half,” he bargained, “and we can skip ahead to the snow leopards.”

Goddamned it, he really was perfect. 

“Fine,” Andrew agreed, and Neil kissed him, and that, well.

It was a start. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on tumblr - [justadreamfox](https://justadreamfox.tumblr.com/)


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